Simple

It all came towards me so fast I never had the time to be prepared.
How can one be prepared for this?
Its this awesome need that burst whenever my senses are tickled with… with…
I don’t know what to name the cause there are so many that a simple emotional being like I cannot wish to choose.
Shaking one way or another for also I cannot see where these feelings come from, up down, west north, back front.
It is too tiny to know, a ironic twist of my heartstrings it is there but you nor I can be able to see it
It shames me as a writer that I cannot express in a comprehendable manner, only splash these meaningless sentences.
Perhaps with age and experience can it reveal the name, the center reason of this happening, the bursting desire.

Although it is undeniably true, it is never meant to be revealed.

Ha.

What else is new?

My Life vs. Your Trust

Don’t agree with everything you say.

Have my own opinions.

Friendly nature, the kind that is given to everyone with no misleading intent

to steal, to persuade, and to cross a line that changes every week.

Hard to understand why it changed.

If you don’t get what you want, its worse.

You must be given or else.

Everyone is afraid of you and your temper.

Undeniably your boyfriend’s second side too.

Please applaud those who have their life,

who don’t agree with everything you say.

Have their own opinions.

Their own friendly nature, which is hard to lose.

For they risk your trust in them.

Say that I am wrong,

that I don’t understand, I am jealous.

In a way you are right.

Therefore I concede my life to you.

I lost.

However, I don’t need your trust,

I never had it.

You know that.

Shadow Of The Day

I close both locks below the window.
I close both blinds and turn away.
Sometimes solutions aren’t so simple.
Sometimes goodbye’s the only way.

And the sun will set for you,
The sun will set for you.
And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in gray,
And the sun will set for you.

In cards and flowers on your window,
Your friends all plead for you to stay.
Sometimes beginnings aren’t so simple.
Sometimes goodbye’s the only way.

And the sun will set for you,
The sun will set for you.
And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in gray,
And the sun will set for you.

And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in gray,
And the sun will set for you.

[Guitar solo]

And the shadow of the day,
Will embrace the world in gray,
And the sun will set for you

This Too Shall Pass

I miss you, you hurt me

You left with a smile

I need to feel you there
I need to know where I belong

Louder and louder

The voices in my head

Whispering taunting

All the things you said

Shadows linger

Only to my eye

Just when I found my world

They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart

Can you feel real like you are?
Can you feel alive, the way I feel your light?
I felt the sting, the sting of corrosion

I need a safe place to close my eyes

Why did you go?

I wish I couldn’t feel at all

Let me be numb

I’m starting to fall

On sleepless roads the sleepless go
Oh we are so lost
And it is more than you could bear
I am caught in my defeat, and you are alone and incomplete
Will this sight ever break down the walls?

Cry all about it

Never really said too much

Afraid it wouldn’t be enough

Just try to keep my spirits up

When there is no point in grieving

You read the news, turns you inside out
Anybody who knew feels the same way

In uncertain times, the uncertain rules apply

He drowns in his dreams

An exquisite extreme I know

He’s as damned as he seems

And more heaven than a heart could hold

A tragedy with more damage than a soul should see

If I try to save him

My whole world would cave in

He is never enough

And still he is more than I can take

A beautiful disaster

The Lady In The Water

There are five of you and your friends. You are splashing and playing in the deep moonlit water. Suddenly there are only four of you. Then three, two, and you’re left alone. All of your friends have vanished.

‘It is not funny anymore,’ you thought. You swim frantically toward the shore. Your friends are waiting by the campfire. Something grabs your ankle and pulls you deep underneath the surface.

You struggle for your life but it is not enough to break free of the icy grip. You began to feel the intense headache in your skull. Your brain screams for oxygen. Blood flows out of your nose and the redness of the blood blends with the water before your eyes.

You think about your life, the cliched joy and the sorrow. How it was when you were a child with faithful parents to protect you from harm and to scold you for running away. Running up and rolling down the emerald hills with your best friend. Crying neverending tears as your pet died too early. Sneaking your hand into the cookie jar and giggling as you got away with the stolen treat. Shameless flirting with your crush. The heartache of losing a friend for nonsensical reason. That sweet first kiss with your love and the promise of together for eterinfinity.

Now, in the murky water, you are alone, dying a young and terrible death. ‘Not everything gets to be in your way’, you realize. The dreams of living up to a ripe old age with your love watching your children and their children diminished in the moment your heart stopped beating.

Your hand lost its grip of a underwater root. You float slowly along the deep moonlit water. The light from the moon beckons you like the light at the end of the tunnel.

~*Chapter 6*~

A statue stands in a shaded place. An angel girl with an upturned face, her arms reaching out, as if trying to touch the sky with its tears running down her cheeks. Her tender face was contorted with pain, almost alive with dreams of living. The clouds opened a crack, the ray of light shined behind her. A flaring calmness overwhelmed her features, a feeling of liberty originated and she is free.

Kayle stood immobile in front of the angel. Touching her feet with the tiniest of hands, feeling every ridge and bump of the angel’s concrete toes. He started at the polished rock with names and dates inscribed. Kayle couldn’t stand looking at the stone; he snatched a sharp rock near him and tore at the second date, the last date, destroying every, last, insulting number. His eyes stung, he couldn’t keep them open, and couldn’t breathe right. Hurling the rock away, he screamed out his frustrations, burying his face in his dirt smudged hands and shook out a breath.

A hand on his shoulder startled and burned him. Kayle twisted harshly away from the hand. Refusing to look at the terrible face that was so unlike his own.

“Son….” Kayle deafened himself with his small fingers. His body trembled with rage and he was frightened, not of his father, but himself. Because of his thoughts about his own father. Kayle felt his mother’s soothing voice starting to fade, because of what he had done. Resolving his chaotic nerves and anger, unplugging his ears and looking up straight to the older man’s eyes. Internally rejoicing at the surprised face of the murderer, Kayle averted and walked away. His pace quickened with every shout of his name. Running with every intention of disappearing and losing himself to the world.

~*Chapter 5*~

“I don’t know how you get yourself into these messes.” Kayle’s mom, Ariel, sighed while laying a cool damp cloth over Kayle’s forehead. “This is worse than before. You’ll have to stay in bed for the day. I’ll bring some food and water. Medicine is not due for a couple of weeks. Rest, I’ll be back.”

Truth is Kayle had found a way to keep him and his mom inside the house for a long period of time. He faked a fever the second he saw his mom looking for him, which wasn’t difficult. He was already pale from the decay’s smell. Kayle walked weakly, groaned while holding his stomach. At once his mom took him away to home and to his bed. His mom’s love and concern for his health would persuade her to stay near him at all times.

“There you go Kayle, hot and delicious chicken soup with noodles, just the way you like them.” His mom set down the bowl on the bedside table. “It’s still hot so wait awhile.”

“Okay mom, thanks mom,” Kayle mumbled. For the remainder of the day mom red Kayle his favorite books, about fantasy creatures and what they are. Brought the building blocks and the green soldiers to play battle games, Kayle found unimaginable ways to march his soldiers around mom and won. As a reward some drawing paper afterwards, drew soldiers riding the creatures, soldiers rescuing prisoners from towers and dungeons. It almost took Kayle off guard and made him forget his supposedly severe fever, great feeling.

It lasted minutes, his father woke up. Kayle could hear his loud footsteps like the beating of his heart, thumping faster and faster. The figure of his father standing in the doorway brought on repressed images. What now? They were only sitting there and didn’t make that much noise. Kayle’s mom stood up and faced her husband only by law. Kayle moved to stand as well but his mom pushed him back without moving her eyes away from the man. This is different, no shouting, no banging on the walls, no warning.

Kayle was told to hide whenever his father came around shouting and thrashing everything. He wasn’t doing that, still the tight lipped and glazed eyes of his terrified Kayle. He stepped closer and Kayle rolled off the bed and crawled underneath it. Kayle could see his father’s feet firmly on the floor and the legs swaying like an upside down pendulum. Kayle trembled.

The Result of Limoncello

I feel sick, my mouth tastes horrible. Disgusted, vomit after vomit the taste won’t go away. Soda makes it worse, tea makes me retch, water does nothing. My arms and hands are trembling. I’m cold. This taste won’t go away! It’ll stay forever, this clenching feeling!

Just go away! I’ve done nothing, nothing. What could I do? God, go away! This is the only solution, to silence these… never salicious feelings. 

Won’t this itch go the fuck away?! Chills go through everywhere. The tapping my hand makes won’t go away! I never do this, why do I do this? I don’t want to know!

In the back of my throat the taste remains, burning, silently wishing to come out and burn me alive. I wish it would, to end my misery! Why won’t it? Why do I keep asking why?!

I’m not breathing right, I need another. Just another, the last one I promise.

Please stop, I never knew, I didn’t see. Never meant to see, is this my curse? Its my job, they’re my enemy. My order says so. No, there’s no excuse! I should never obey, they’re liars. Have mercy.

No, no, they deserve it. They did it, to my friends. They didn’t want it, they never cause any… any…

These voices, so angry, cursing me and anything I do. My wife, my darling wife stays with me. For what, what do I have? Nothing! I drink, I shoot, I’m myself! I laugh when she cries! She needs to know the pain I feel! She feels just a sting compared with what I feel, she can’t know. Then who would?

Not this taste again, I’m exausted. My stomach hates me terribly for it. More so my liver, so they say. I’m so sorry my friends, you never knew. I should have. Its all my fault. If I had. If. What could happen then? Could it be avoided? My fault.

Those eyes and mouth. Shocked and yet in my dreams they were shouting in anger. Because of me. Blood still freshly leaking, escaping from their bodies. I’m so sorry. They drown me anyway. In sticky red ocean, and I don’t struggle, not a bit.

Possibilities of Satisfaction

Striding quietly, my heart building the beats. Into a  normal house, normal hall, normal viciousness buried in the delightful pictures adorning the walls. Bile rose in my throat from the fakeness in them. With a sinful smile I tease, silently shouting my intentions, and as usual misinterpreted as they would see what they want to see. Good, they will be more tormented when the realization strikes later.

In her room she is looking at the mirror, combing her hair, fawning, and kissing herself. Boring disgust is always apparent whenever I see her. Vanity in others is a virture but for her its a malicious sin. Naturally she doesn’t know the difference, she smiles to me and I pity her. She turns to her closet, picking and picking foul clothes and accessories. Then to me for opinion, blessed with forked tongue I told her she looks beautiful in everything. God not another annoying giggle. The nasty shade of her eyes darkened and sparkled in glee when she chose her favorite colored dress.

She strips in front of me, making me sick by the revolting sight. Her toothy grin tells me she assumes otherwise. Back to the mirror she checks again, me nearer than before. My gloved hand picks a wandering hair and tucked it neatly into place, resting between her neck and shoulder. Goosebumps appeared on her arms and neck.

At last, her grin flashed into a beautiful gasp of pain. Her eyes wide like a infant discovering something new. I could see she was about to scream, no doubt like the banshee she is. The hand I had on her shoulder clamped over her mouth, very lightly however for she couldn’t go against the knife.

She should be grateful, her dress looks much better in red.

Beating harder than ever before when hers stopped. Dumping her on the sorry bed, the covers seemingly begged not to cover her. The maneuvers I made with her seems believeable so I returned to her parents and brother in the living room.

The mom was puzzled I didn’t return with her daughter. Never one to lie to the elders, I answered ’She looks so beautiful sleeping, I couldn’t wake her up.’ She tutted disapprovingly of her daughter’s lack of priorities. Especially to a good solid man, the father agreed. A suggestion from the brother that he and I should wake her up together couldn’t be denied.

He didn’t hesitate to jump on the bed, bouncing for a short while. He tells me he never knew his sister could be such a deep sleeper. He resumed trying until a squelching sound was heard. A wonderful performance of estatic, puzzled, curiosity, horrified, and frozen suprised expressions. I have no doubt the other two would give a similar performance as well.

The floor seems more beautiful, newer now. Such a wonderous color dye. I noticed another new feature, a light splattering of the boy’s blood covered my tattoo. Considering to just leave the merit of honor adoring the snake, the final decision is wiping it off my arm. The ransacked bed stays as it is. To the living room once again this time with my hands behind my back.

The mom remarked her astonishment and quickly jumped from her seat to assist. For her it was just opening the door that triggered the expected performance. She joined her son lovingly I thought. The faces were identical symmetry looking at eachother. By coincidence their hands were much like the iconic painting of Hand of God by Michelangelo. 

I called for the father to come to me this time. He came a-skipping! Glad to be called to duty. He smiled gratefully to me and patted my back like a father would to a son.

The scream in startled anguish rivaled the church chorus. A shame truly.

The news appeared in the usual morning schedule a week later. The returning daughter finds the house empty, searched for her family and found them murdered in her younger sister’s room. The names, ages, family pictures of the happy family, and short clips of the house and the remaining wailing daughter. They have not made much discoveries, just one, the murderer was close to the family.

In the afternoon Police came by my house, gave condolences. They observed and noted the theme in the videogames, DVDs, and books were about devils & angels and mythological creatures & gods. They gently requested time for some questions. Most were identifying the relationship between me and the murdered girl, then with the family, and last my alibi.

‘Where were you August 1, 2008 between 6 and 8PM?’

‘In hell’s church.’ I said with the same sinful smile.